Smokes

Chad: Allan, you want a smoke?
Allan: Nah, I really REALLY hate cigarettes, only reason i sit here is cuz we play poker haha.
Chad: How old are you man?
Allan:19
Chad: I'll ask you again when you're 24, I was just like you at that age, you'll see...

I still hate cigarettes, I still hope i never smoke, but then again, i'm only 21 now. I guess i'll have to wait 2-3 more years before i can really see what he saw, things hes witnessed, reasons we give ourselves to light that little death in a packet of Marlboros. I've felt like this week was one of those weeks, those testing weeks, those weeks that i have thought back to this conversation, and wonder, "is this what he was talking about?"

With all things said and done, right now all i want to think about is how crappy the month of March was. I guess somethings went my way, i've got some questions that i've been asking myself answered, but in exchange i've got only a crap load more. Oh well, it doesn't hurt to be curious does it? I think i've heard something about a cat. Oh well, i'll let future allan think about that one.

I'm starting to question my beliefs, whether i'm living my life correctly. I mean people who think they are crazy aren't crazy, but people who 'think they're crazy are. So wouldn't it be the same with people who live their life normally? I could think i'm a great person, a great friend, just all-around great. But in reality, i could be making everyone miserable. I could be thinking i'm making all the right decisions, but instead i could be handling everything horribly wrong. So heres, an example, if i really want something, i can be pretty convincing, and if i can't think of the things to say, i can think of the things to do to get my way. Isn't that being manipulative? I mean i pushed the right buttons and i get my way, I don't think that makes a good person. Because if i deserved it, i could've just got it without even trying.

In other news, i got some pretty flattering news, haha, i guess i can't really say what was said, but whatever was said made me feel like, "wow if you said that, there might be hope for me yet!" haha... =D It's just these little things that let me keep my head high.

I'm trying to pick up photography, i'm not gonna go crazy or anything, just a hobby that i figured would help me get off my ass and maybe even learn a few things and see a few things a long the way. Here are a few of my favorite photos so far. NO i will not get a tumbler, it just seems too nice for me, and i'm not that artistic.

Ramble Schamble

Since when was blogging something someone forced onto you? Sure, i guess there are those professional bloggers out there but i'm just a normal joe who likes to just keep the voices outta my head by putting it on a random website. I'd probably not be above making a twitter but then again i'm just too lazy to be logging on and making an account. I waste enough of my time on facebook.

Anywho, i've been talking to a bunch of friends lately who want to start working out. I'm not against working out, but a lot of people have been complaining about finding a reason to. What reason do you really need besides it just feels good to be in shape? I've always been one to love the feeling of sweat. It doesnt hurt working out to perform well in other things either. I'm just hoping when football season comes again and i have to play i'll be extra fast with all these liners and box jumps i've been doing. But anyway, seriously, just put on your running shoes, and once you've done that, you just go work out. It's that simple, if you can put on your shoes, you can go to the gym. Nuff Said.

So i'm talking to a friend and she told me she asks her boyfriend a question, first of all, when you're asking your boyfriend questions, make sure the questions doesnt make him the least bit insecure please. "What would you do if you happened to become friends with a person who connects with you even more so than me? It's not like shes seducing you or anything, you just talk to her extremely well and even better than me. What would you think about that?" Its great that these two are perfect for each other, and that they can totally talk to each other because they've been together so long, but wow, thats just a question that spells disaster haha...I don't really know how to answer this question, if she was the girl of my dreams, would i really want her? I'm picky with the girls i fall for, and i think if i found her, would i really want it? As we grow we end up wanting different things, im such a pessimist sometimes, the moment i meet a person i MIGHT actually fall for, i try to pick her apart. Geez what's wrong with me?

I'm a huge hypocrite, huggggggeeee hypocrite... I don't know how much i put this on my blog, maybe i just like irony, maybe i just like to laugh at random things. But what i laugh at now is girls who put these quotes on their facebook, twitter, w/e... they say things like "THIS TOTALLY SPEAKS TO ME" but in actuality, I think you're just shallow and think this girl is easy on the eyes, and that what shes really saying only speaks to you because of that. Eh, if that's what it takes, go for it haha...

The last thing on my mind probably has been something on my brain for the past month... I consider myself someone who is easy to talk to. Why you might ask? Well, i would tell you i hold my heart on my sleeve, i would also tell you that i will always be honest with a question that someone throws at me. But thats the problem, because i hold my heart on my sleeve, people just take what they think i say as everything that i think about, or that even though i answer every question of theirs i'm being completely honest with them or myself. That is definitely false, i think about a lot of things, mainly random thoughts like "do you ever wonder if every god out there is just the same person? or maybe there are different gods and they all live together. reigning on different parts of the world, kind of like risk, but with religion" haha yeah i know random... i guess the other thing is when people ask me questions i try my best to answer the question honestly. I never said i wouldnt beat around the bush or try and change the subject. I guess the only reason i'm talking about this is because i think i hate the feeling of being vulnerable... but then i heard a pretty cool quote on TV today. "Its not about the pain, its about being open, if you can be that vulnerable with another person, it changes you... Well we'll just have to see about this quote... House what a great show! lol...

Until later kiddies...

Back... but not really...

So back to this blog business... i regret not keeping it up during the study abroad but it went by so fast that i could barely jot my thoughts down before i realized i was already back. It seems so long ago that i was sitting in my room in Denmark, isolated from the world that i am apart of once again. I enjoyed the thought that i could wake up and drink some coffee, plain, black coffee, and read or possibly cook myself some breakfast. Everything moves so much faster here in the US. I guess i was apart of that life style until i got shoved into Europe. I miss it in someways... Hell, that's a lie, i miss it in A LOT of ways. The quietness of life when you're a person who doesn't understand a lick of Danish, or German, or Italian... It was great to feel alive, to be somewhere where you know if you don't do something now, that you'll never get to do it ever again. Haha, it's funny that i'm thinking about it now, i've been saving it to tell it to someone for a long time, but it's just not an experience you can really share with someone unless they've done the same. I had dinner with Donna the other day, we practically shared most of our study abroad experience together, through thick and thin i guess. It was a shocker just chillin with her, talking about how life has been after we got back. We both kinda agreed we were in some type of "funk". Nothing that would stop us from being ourselves, its just something that we felt that was missing. I try to think to myself "I cant think this like, i cant go back and do it again, its an experience that you've had and you can't dwell on it, go on and live". So far, it's been alright i'd say about 90% of the time. Work, School, Social gatherings have helped eased me back into the swing of things.

I've made some new friends, or i guess a new friend, not to say i've replaced my old ones, its just, everyone else seems so busy, and these new people just seem to have the same schedule as me. I keep thinking where the hell are my best friends at, all up in northern california, doing school of course, but i've been back for like 2 months now! eh, and again that's another reason why i've been hanging out with these new friends.

I'm thinking i wanna go somewhere, nothing particularly far i guess, just somewhere, somewhere new, maybe somewhere within a 2-3 hour drive. I wanna just get away... Theres nothing wrong with monotony, cuz hey, i wanna be a accountant. But theres always gotta be that something to spice your life up just a little and since my love life is alive as michael jackson, why not just find another reason. I've had this stupid beatles song stuck in my head for the past 4-5 hours... If I Fell.... WHYYYYY MUST YOU HAUNT ME SO SONGGGGG.... I really should be getting to bed, got work at 5am... of course when you stay up til 230 am the day before i doubt my body's gonna just naturally go to sleep. Maybe i should just stay up, of course, i normally like staying up if theres someone to stay up with, i doubt thats gonna happen. "Oh hey, wanna stay up with me til 5am? I know, i know its 1040pm right now and you're prolly gonna go to sleep soon but i figure why not give it a shot?" yeah.. thats not gonna fly. I was telling a friend how i normally write these kind of blogs on a really really good day, or a really really bad day, well... today was definitely not a really really good day haha... I feel stuck, gonna need some help here.

One HELLA long week

Hello Hello!

To all my peeps back in the states, week 1 is finally over and it's been such a crazy week! I guess to say where i left off at from the crazy airport trip up until now is that its been about 10 days since i last blogged and its all gone by so fast.

After i got out of that hotel, we went to go eat breakfast downstairs because it was free with the stay, and i've got to say the tea here in Europe is bomb! I hear the coffee is too but i don't drink too much coffee so i'm going to have to take their word for it. So I guess the center of the city is "the train station" where everyone seems to go to go anywhere. It's pretty convienient if i have to say so myself for tourists because they have no clue where they are going and as long as they can find their way back to the train station its all good.

Being that we still had out luggage with us, we had to find a way to get to the school to pick up our keys, with a bunch of luggage, thats really not that easy. The first thing you should know about the bus system here is that they are totally weird! You go through the back and then you leave through the front. You're suppose to pay with the machine or if you have a tickey you stamp it on, but for most people in the city, they just dont pay at all. You feel kinda guilty at first, but then when you see all the Danish people do the exact same thing, it's kinda like you're just blending in with the people and their culture. It's kinda embarassing because it's 4 of us and we have all this luggage and people are trying to get in from the back but all our stuff is in the way and we have to ask them to go to the front of the bus. Needless to say everyone was laughing.

We finally get to the school and they give us our keys and tell us that they have people that are going to drive us to our flats. they take most of us except for me and my friend Jaclyn. It really doesnt take that long to go to where we live. 10-15 mins atmost back and forth. But during the incident i guess a bank gets robbed and they slow down all the traffic. I don't end up getting picked up til an hour and a half later. And then the girl that is driving us ends up getting us lost because she thought our building was called skobaekvej and not snogbaeksvej. I guess its a simple mistake, but we were just dead tired. We unpack and then we clean up and go downtown to see what the nightlife is like.

The city of Aarhus is so different in the night time than it is in the day time. We pick up a friend and find out that theres a nearby club that everyone seems to go to because the girls that we met on the road seem to be going there. We get there and its free to get in, they give us a free drink, and a live concert. I would think it was pretty cool. The dude was lookin like Prince, and the girl totally looked like Ronnoa Ryder or w/e her name is. Music was kinda a mix between electronic and rock.

By the end of the night we're just hanging outside the club and talking to Danish girls and talking about Oregon (where most of them are from) and SF (where i'm from). It's really not too hard because everyone knows where SF is but i met this really pretty girl who's actually been to Napa and we end up talking a lot of the night. Most of the guys are in their early and mid 20's so we can kinda tell these girls are not really the same age as us, so we took a shot and of course, they are 18-20. Really young those 18 year olds are, but its all good cuz the drinking age is 18 in Denmark. So, it's 3am in the morning and we have no clue how we're going to get home. The last bus was at midnight and we dont know how to walk home. Atleast we weren't completely SOL, there was this night bus that comes every hour or so, and most of them take you kind of close to where you want to go. It's a good thing we found some dude from New York that is studying in Denmark to help us or else we woulda been screwed.

Okay, i haven't said this yet but i would have to say 70% of the women here in Denmark at phenominal. It's not just because they have blond hair, blue eyes. It's from their way of life. They walk everywhere, and if they're not walking they bike, and they eat basically meat and bread. And the bread here is not like our bread thats "supposed to be good for you and tastes good", it tastes like crap and it good for you. But since they are so used to it (and i have to admit i have grown to like it myself) they have great diets. I didn't believe my manager from my SF store telling me all the girls there are pretty but man, was she right. Well anyway, that was DAY 1 in Aarhus.

The next day we meet this amazing austrailian girl that takes us around and shows us the stores and the laundry and shes been here for a couple weeks and shes kinda in the know. Amazing. Anyway, after that, we go downtown and explore the city some more. Getting lost on buses sure helped us know the city, and also i've got to say the architecture of this city is simply amazing. There's so many buildings made with brick that it puts a lot of places in the states to shame. Simply Beautiful. So i guess on Saturday night everyone parties at clubs and just hangs out ar bars. We find this place called Buddy Holly, which is kind of a small bar that for some reason the bartender loves americans! He said its because we say thank you and no one in Denmark does that. So we were getting free drinks left and right and then we end up finding ourselves drunk once again but this time thanks to being drunk the night before, we knew which way to go.

Wake up at noon, and i guess i didn't mention this before but because of the jet lag, we've been only getting maybe 2-4 hours a day. But partying 2 straight nights is the best way to get over jetlag because you drink adn you stay up and you fall asleep just like every other drunk person that night. We english speaking folk end up going to the Harbor and find that its really nice to just stand around and look at water. Well atleast that was what i took from it. We also found some random stores and shops that sold necklaces and braclets. I'll be sure to pick up atleast one of them for one of the girls back in the states. I just have to remember how we got there. On Sundays, no one works, well on one really works here in Denmark too late besides the 7-11 and the fast food joints. Everyone close at like 7pm, even the supermarkets. It's pretty crazy, but on sundays, NO ONE works! except for cafes. Because they just sit around and drink coffee and relax. It's pretty cool.

Monday was the Ikea Trip. It was just like an other Ikea trip, just kinda went there got stuff and went home, didn't really do much which was kinda a surprise being that we drank practically everyday this week.

Tuesday first day of orientation and we got to meet our "Tutors" who just take us under their wing and its like a person there if you ever need a question. Like a Link Crew Leader. In my group were a lot of different people from different countries and it was all really cool to get to know them and talk to them. We all got to hang out the entire week as a group and it was pretty boring because we just sat and listened to them tell us about the things we'd have to do while in Aarhus and whatnot. But the best part of the day was when it was all said and done we went to Klubbin and had ourselves a night with more drinking. It was late and my friend decided to walk home in the rain. It was pouring and we walked about 20-25 mins in the rain, i'm glad i didnt get sick or anything, but i was drenched when i got home and took a nice warm shower and went to bed.

Wednesday came along and everyone seemed to be pretty tired from last night, just kinda tired so no one really cared what people were really saying to us, just that we had to listen and then i went home took a nap. It was western day and it's really huge at the school, all the new students and international students got to participate and there would be every one dressing up in things that associated with the west. Even though i do not know how priests and zorro got into the mix. It was alright, just more drinking and more people, but the best part was the mechanical bull. I've never been on one before but as i was watching the Europeans do it with both hands and holding on to dear life, i just had to go up there and show them how you "should" do it. Which of course is with one hand in the air. I owned that bull haha, im not gonna lie but the whole area was going nuts. I'd have to say working on my grip strength sure did help. The funniest thing was that we started drinking at like 6-7 and everyone was piss drunk by 10 or so, we all just went home around 1030-11 and just crashed.

Thursday we a more relaxed day where we just had to be at school around noon for a tour of the city. Didn't really do much besides go to some "American" burger place that was pretty decent, but it was just kinda eh, 6.5/10. After we went to some Student house where they but of course, have more beer and booze. I got one drink and went home. I was pretty spent.

Friday came along and it was our last time with our group and we had lunch then went to the field for Xchange Games! It was actually really fun, since all the exchange students were split into groups (10 total), we had a competition that had, sack race, egg race, licorice eating, some game where you have to put a pen thats attached to your hip in a bottle, and a memory game. We got points for cheering and coming up with witty cheers. It was really close it seemed like for all the teams, but of course our group won. It really felt good competing again. I really do miss that feeling. The winning group got 2 free bottles of Fisherman's (the local alcohol here) and bacardi. After the games we went home and i did some laundry, only to find out i locked my keys inside my room. The reason for this was because i can jump out my humongous window to go to the laundry rather than go through three doors. but as i was closing my window to go to the laundry room and realized my keys were sitting on my bed. It ended up costing me like 80 bucks to have the dude come from who knows where to fix it. That sure sucked. It was alright, i ended up pregaming with a couple friends before we went to our last international event (for now atleast), at social club. They had this really cool stamp that makes me think i want a tattoo kinda similar to that, but we'll see. This place was great! It was serving free drinks like non-stop, well ok free drinks from 9-10, then 11-12, needless to say i was pretty drunk. But it was all good cuz i never drive anywhere, just take the bus and its free so its all goood!

The alcohol here must not be that strong because i drink a lot and i get drunk, but i never have a hang over or feel like i need to puke. O well, w/e. Woke up with a stomach ache though. Went to the mall with Donna and figured it would be a pretty small trip but then we ended up going to the Train Station and then to Ikea to get lunch. Got home and here i am just typing away.

I feel like i've been here a lot longer than i prolly have been, but it's so many things you learn from being in a new country that its almost an information overload. Anyway, sorry for all the people that i don't talk to while im here, it's really not that i dont wanna tlak to you while you're about to go to sleep when im waking up or vice versa, its just trying to do my own thing for now and we'll end up seeing each other sooner or later! Peace!

The Adventure Begins!

You know you're traveling big shot when they give you a WHOLE can! It's been a pretty crazy couple days. Saying goodbye is not the easiest thing to do i find. Some people you don't even get to say bye to. But its ok! Im only gone for like 5 months and before you know it ill be back.

Anyway, So i had my goodbye dinner and goodbye this and that, then i got on the plane... and the Adventure begins! I got to San Jose where they said i might have some problems in Denver but they'd figure it out when i got there. I got on the plane and actually talked to the girl to my right just because she was friendly. I ended up getting a cool key holder from her and that was that.
Next was Denver where i literally thought i was not going to get on a plane to Europe but this really nice (and actually pretty cute) flight attendant helped me out and it was all gravy.
The plane ride was about 9 hours. I spend the first just getting settled, then the next 2-3 hours (because we were eating our in flight dinner in between) I watched "A Beautiful Mind" which in my opinion was totally awesome. I can't believe I've always hated Russell Crow, i just don't like how he looks like a douchebag. But yeah, I watched that then i figured hey why not give Gladiator a shot too? I enjoyed about a quarter of it til i fell asleep and then woke up in time for breakfast on the plane. we had only about an hour and half left so i ended up watching an episode of Scrubs and an episode of Friends. I didn't use my laptop at all during the flight, it's really hard using it when there are old lady's to your left bumping you and little kids behind you kicking the back of your chair.
But that's not even the worst part of a flight i think, in my honest opinion the scariest part of a plane ride is the landing. It's like a plane that's going at a crazy speed and you're trying to land it on cement. My pilots also sucked at landing their planes btw but hey, its just an experience i don't really enjoy on an airplane.
Once i got to London everything else was pretty much smooth sailings there. London's Airport is like a mall, i thought San Jose and San Fran push it, its like comparing Safeway with Walmart. They had a booth where you could sit drink wine and eat caviar. RIDICULOUS. Oh well, what can you do, it was packed haha. The last problem i had to figure out was where i was going to stay in Aarhuss when i got there for the night. So i'm sitting at the boarding area and i hear 2 girls talk about their crazy flight from portland to here. So i figure they're studying abroad too and we ended up just saying we should figure something out together. It was more like i tagged along while they had a friend who knew which hotel to stay at showed us how to do everything, but it's all good because I'm finally here and i'm not sleeping at the airport and i already made some friends. I'm definitely not complaining on how things worked out. Things always do.

Well it's 330pm over in California but it's 1231pm here (9 hours ahead for anyone who was curious) i need to wake up at 830am tomorrow and get my key to my room. Til next week look at what i found at the Aarhus Gift Store! This store must not get ANY business.

It's That Time Again!

Hello World! I would just like to say that I am back and back to blogging. And here you are asking, "Allan, why would you start up your blog again? Is it because you're going to go away to Europe in 1 week and decided that it was a good time to start? Was it because you felt like you needed something to vent of to when there's no one else to talk to? Or maybe because you just saw Julie & Julia at the movies today and decided what the heck?" YES, SURE, and Maybe... =P

To be completely honest, it takes a long time to start up a blog again. I was reading some of the other stuff that i've written and its just rambles. But i guess a blog is to have your own little space to talk about your life. I'm trying to figure out what to do these next 7 days, I know that i have things planned, (Football, SF, Dinner), it's just that i want to spend it with the friends and people i care about.

I tend to tell a lot of people this but i think i am very lucky to have the friends i have. Probably the reason why is that i have a mixture of all different kind of friends. Not a lot of people can say that. It's nice to have friends that you can play board games with, and friends that you can party with as well. You know you have some real friends when they can do imitations of you, and to all those who know who you actually are, Thank you.

I guess i'll finish up my blog for the day saying I'm going to TRY to blog atleast twice a month while i'm there and try to put up a couple of cool pictures. Pictures like the one i just uploaded. Sure, it's probably not the coolest picture you've seen in your life, but it reminds me of a bird or something.

Til next time kids!

It's Been a While... (I've Lost Touch)

It's been a while that's for sure. I haven't blogged since Obama St. Probably because everything since that day has been kinda hectic and crazy. Been in a car accident, moved back home, started to just wonder where my life was taking me. The year of the Ox? Tiger? W/E year it maybe, they said that i would have 3 good months, 4 normal ones, and 5 bad ones... and just like that, February sure sucked ass... I mean it wasn't all bad, but if i were to weigh turning in my application to Denmark (which has about a 90% pass they said), to having poor poor Gwen taken from me, it was about the same... now that i think about it. The trip is going to cost me about as much as my car did. Isn't that a trip...

Anywho, I moved from San Fran mainly because i hated living in that gawd-awful hole of a room in some strangers place, only to find the reason i moved out in the first place. But i guess saving 600 bucks and getting nagged at by my folks is better than getting nagged at and having 600 bucks go down the drain by the landlord isn't so bad. The worst thing about coming back here, in my honest opinion, is the way i feel used. Not really by friends or anything, by my so called "siblings". It's crazy to say this, but to them, I'm the quiet one, the one that doesn't talk at the dinner table, the one that seems to just drift on by and maybe once in a while be of some use to them. And yet, they look at me like I'm some sort of failure. They use me and the now truck that i have, act all nice, then talk crap behind my back. Man i hate how ugly people can be. My niece, who is an awkward one at that, who actually knows me for who i am, was telling me how my sister and her husband think im going to fail in life. Now isn't that funny, the one that is going to college, the one that is doing something more with his life than cutting hair all day, going to fail in life? Don't even say that bullshit to me. I'm not angry at them, because all they see is a boy who whittles away in his room while everyone else is outside, the one that never seem to do anything besides go on his computer. I'm not mad, I've just lost touch.

I went to San Francisco looking for something. This something i didn't really know what. I met some real genuine people, thinking that might help with what i was looking for. Don't get me wrong, i have some great people in my life like my friends and their as genuine as the blue sky. It's just... I dunno... I'm beginning to think that no matter how far i go, i don't think its something you find, maybe its something i'm going to have to accept.

I've had this stupid feeling stuck in my brain for a long ass time, it doesn't seem to be going away. Is this how you felt? To blind by the act, to just let things go? To immature to see what was front of you that you just had to keep looking behind? I need this ghost to go away, it's eating me from the inside.

Denmark should be fun, I just need to send them my picture in the mail to fully complete my acceptance crap. I have a lot of midterms to study for and spring break is just beyond the horizon. Hopefully that will get my mind off of things.