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Tuesday, March 10, 2009

It's Been a While... (I've Lost Touch)

It's been a while that's for sure. I haven't blogged since Obama St. Probably because everything since that day has been kinda hectic and crazy. Been in a car accident, moved back home, started to just wonder where my life was taking me. The year of the Ox? Tiger? W/E year it maybe, they said that i would have 3 good months, 4 normal ones, and 5 bad ones... and just like that, February sure sucked ass... I mean it wasn't all bad, but if i were to weigh turning in my application to Denmark (which has about a 90% pass they said), to having poor poor Gwen taken from me, it was about the same... now that i think about it. The trip is going to cost me about as much as my car did. Isn't that a trip...

Anywho, I moved from San Fran mainly because i hated living in that gawd-awful hole of a room in some strangers place, only to find the reason i moved out in the first place. But i guess saving 600 bucks and getting nagged at by my folks is better than getting nagged at and having 600 bucks go down the drain by the landlord isn't so bad. The worst thing about coming back here, in my honest opinion, is the way i feel used. Not really by friends or anything, by my so called "siblings". It's crazy to say this, but to them, I'm the quiet one, the one that doesn't talk at the dinner table, the one that seems to just drift on by and maybe once in a while be of some use to them. And yet, they look at me like I'm some sort of failure. They use me and the now truck that i have, act all nice, then talk crap behind my back. Man i hate how ugly people can be. My niece, who is an awkward one at that, who actually knows me for who i am, was telling me how my sister and her husband think im going to fail in life. Now isn't that funny, the one that is going to college, the one that is doing something more with his life than cutting hair all day, going to fail in life? Don't even say that bullshit to me. I'm not angry at them, because all they see is a boy who whittles away in his room while everyone else is outside, the one that never seem to do anything besides go on his computer. I'm not mad, I've just lost touch.

I went to San Francisco looking for something. This something i didn't really know what. I met some real genuine people, thinking that might help with what i was looking for. Don't get me wrong, i have some great people in my life like my friends and their as genuine as the blue sky. It's just... I dunno... I'm beginning to think that no matter how far i go, i don't think its something you find, maybe its something i'm going to have to accept.

I've had this stupid feeling stuck in my brain for a long ass time, it doesn't seem to be going away. Is this how you felt? To blind by the act, to just let things go? To immature to see what was front of you that you just had to keep looking behind? I need this ghost to go away, it's eating me from the inside.

Denmark should be fun, I just need to send them my picture in the mail to fully complete my acceptance crap. I have a lot of midterms to study for and spring break is just beyond the horizon. Hopefully that will get my mind off of things.

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