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Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Smokes

Chad: Allan, you want a smoke?
Allan: Nah, I really REALLY hate cigarettes, only reason i sit here is cuz we play poker haha.
Chad: How old are you man?
Allan:19
Chad: I'll ask you again when you're 24, I was just like you at that age, you'll see...

I still hate cigarettes, I still hope i never smoke, but then again, i'm only 21 now. I guess i'll have to wait 2-3 more years before i can really see what he saw, things hes witnessed, reasons we give ourselves to light that little death in a packet of Marlboros. I've felt like this week was one of those weeks, those testing weeks, those weeks that i have thought back to this conversation, and wonder, "is this what he was talking about?"

With all things said and done, right now all i want to think about is how crappy the month of March was. I guess somethings went my way, i've got some questions that i've been asking myself answered, but in exchange i've got only a crap load more. Oh well, it doesn't hurt to be curious does it? I think i've heard something about a cat. Oh well, i'll let future allan think about that one.

I'm starting to question my beliefs, whether i'm living my life correctly. I mean people who think they are crazy aren't crazy, but people who 'think they're crazy are. So wouldn't it be the same with people who live their life normally? I could think i'm a great person, a great friend, just all-around great. But in reality, i could be making everyone miserable. I could be thinking i'm making all the right decisions, but instead i could be handling everything horribly wrong. So heres, an example, if i really want something, i can be pretty convincing, and if i can't think of the things to say, i can think of the things to do to get my way. Isn't that being manipulative? I mean i pushed the right buttons and i get my way, I don't think that makes a good person. Because if i deserved it, i could've just got it without even trying.

In other news, i got some pretty flattering news, haha, i guess i can't really say what was said, but whatever was said made me feel like, "wow if you said that, there might be hope for me yet!" haha... =D It's just these little things that let me keep my head high.

I'm trying to pick up photography, i'm not gonna go crazy or anything, just a hobby that i figured would help me get off my ass and maybe even learn a few things and see a few things a long the way. Here are a few of my favorite photos so far. NO i will not get a tumbler, it just seems too nice for me, and i'm not that artistic.



Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Ramble Schamble

Since when was blogging something someone forced onto you? Sure, i guess there are those professional bloggers out there but i'm just a normal joe who likes to just keep the voices outta my head by putting it on a random website. I'd probably not be above making a twitter but then again i'm just too lazy to be logging on and making an account. I waste enough of my time on facebook.

Anywho, i've been talking to a bunch of friends lately who want to start working out. I'm not against working out, but a lot of people have been complaining about finding a reason to. What reason do you really need besides it just feels good to be in shape? I've always been one to love the feeling of sweat. It doesnt hurt working out to perform well in other things either. I'm just hoping when football season comes again and i have to play i'll be extra fast with all these liners and box jumps i've been doing. But anyway, seriously, just put on your running shoes, and once you've done that, you just go work out. It's that simple, if you can put on your shoes, you can go to the gym. Nuff Said.

So i'm talking to a friend and she told me she asks her boyfriend a question, first of all, when you're asking your boyfriend questions, make sure the questions doesnt make him the least bit insecure please. "What would you do if you happened to become friends with a person who connects with you even more so than me? It's not like shes seducing you or anything, you just talk to her extremely well and even better than me. What would you think about that?" Its great that these two are perfect for each other, and that they can totally talk to each other because they've been together so long, but wow, thats just a question that spells disaster haha...I don't really know how to answer this question, if she was the girl of my dreams, would i really want her? I'm picky with the girls i fall for, and i think if i found her, would i really want it? As we grow we end up wanting different things, im such a pessimist sometimes, the moment i meet a person i MIGHT actually fall for, i try to pick her apart. Geez what's wrong with me?

I'm a huge hypocrite, huggggggeeee hypocrite... I don't know how much i put this on my blog, maybe i just like irony, maybe i just like to laugh at random things. But what i laugh at now is girls who put these quotes on their facebook, twitter, w/e... they say things like "THIS TOTALLY SPEAKS TO ME" but in actuality, I think you're just shallow and think this girl is easy on the eyes, and that what shes really saying only speaks to you because of that. Eh, if that's what it takes, go for it haha...

The last thing on my mind probably has been something on my brain for the past month... I consider myself someone who is easy to talk to. Why you might ask? Well, i would tell you i hold my heart on my sleeve, i would also tell you that i will always be honest with a question that someone throws at me. But thats the problem, because i hold my heart on my sleeve, people just take what they think i say as everything that i think about, or that even though i answer every question of theirs i'm being completely honest with them or myself. That is definitely false, i think about a lot of things, mainly random thoughts like "do you ever wonder if every god out there is just the same person? or maybe there are different gods and they all live together. reigning on different parts of the world, kind of like risk, but with religion" haha yeah i know random... i guess the other thing is when people ask me questions i try my best to answer the question honestly. I never said i wouldnt beat around the bush or try and change the subject. I guess the only reason i'm talking about this is because i think i hate the feeling of being vulnerable... but then i heard a pretty cool quote on TV today. "Its not about the pain, its about being open, if you can be that vulnerable with another person, it changes you... Well we'll just have to see about this quote... House what a great show! lol...

Until later kiddies...