So i figured i'd just post my birthday list here since there are only a handful of people that actually read this thing, and those same people are the only ones that probably even want to get me a gift for my birthday. It's okay if you don't, it'd make me happy to just have a beer with you at the dukes on wednesday but here goes:
1. American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis, I heard this book is pretty crazy to read. And if i ever get a chance to read for pleasure again, maybe i should pick this up.
2. Training Gear - Like a reflex ball or a water bottle that is super cheap. Its plastic/rubber? looking and has a wide mouth for ice and can be squeezed like you see basketball players have for their gatorade that would be cool.
3.Ties are always acceptable, any will do as long as it has some type of pattern, i saw this polka dot one that looked pretty awesome, just don't really know if i could rock it. But if you do get it i'd prolly just buy something to make it work. lol.
4. A card that is handmade gets way more points than a card that is just bought, but i can understand the difficulty of card getting and a card is a card nonetheless which i really do appriciate a lot. Oh and gift cards are totally cool! Gives me an excuse to go get something from whereever you want me to go. Just not Starbucks or Jamba please, that's really just screaming out you don't talk to me. Lol.
Well, thats all i'm going to put because i doubt theres going to be anymore than 4 people who would even consider getting me a gift. On with the real blog...
So i log onto my blog and it tells me that the template to my blog sucks and needs redecorating. Sadly enough, i do it. It was pretty fun though to be honest. I got that new gadget sitting on top of my blog now and you could play with that if you're ever so inclined. Just click and it'll put food in the imaginary water and the fish will swim and eat it. The fish will also follow your mouse so that's going to be distracting if you're actually trying to read my blog.
I'm not really too sure what to blog about today so i'll try to keep it short. I've been writing a lot in my little pocket journal thing. It comes in handy when i just want to express my views on things without it killing me the entire day. One example is when i'm in class and this chubby asian kid is breathing extremely loud. Sure he's probably breathing pretty loud because hes chubs but i can't stop hearing it and thinking "Damn, really?!" I mean i know some big dudes and they dont breath like him. Of course when we were all talking about our eating habits, it makes a hell of a lot more sense why he's the way he is because of what goes into his body than my guy friends. Note to self: Never eat Cinnabon ever again (though i don't ever really eating it all myself). 5000 Calories! That's 2.5 days worth of calories that you could've spent better. Anyway that doesn't bother me as much as the same unhealthy people in the class talking about eating right when they're overweight themselves. Isn't that just contradicting? We as people are never in a position to judge other people, yet we still do it. It's just normal i guess. I just hope me laughing at the ridiculousness of the matter is a more respectable way to judge people than being downright rude to them.
Okay, let's all say it: Allan, you're pretty mean. Yes, I am. Its kind of disheartening for me. My boss calls it "tough love". He felt belittled because i call him out on a lot of things because i like things done a certain way at work, and when they're not i tell him as more of an equal than a boss. When i say these things to him I can be pretty mean because i throw in my sarcastic dry humor. I guess my dry humor can be pretty mean if you take it the wrong way, which people have been known to do. Maybe it's my tone, I really just say it to be laugh with you, not laugh at you. What can you do about it... is what i would say. BUT i'm definitely trying to watch what i say around others, but it's a process and it's not just going to happen overnight. One hope is that i can still keep that wittiness that i oh so enjoy with others but just find a better means of using it i guess.
That's all for now kids, probably wont blog again until maybe the end of June due to birthdays, projects, essays, the works.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Thursday, June 3, 2010
The Month of May
Wow, i can't believe the last time i blogged was a month ago! Shame allan, Shameeee...
I try to keep this thing going atleast twice a week, for good measure that my head doesnt explode with things i wish i would have put on this blog. I'm getting better with it though, i'm getting a mini-journal i guess you could call it. I guess the "correct" term for it is a journalist notebook. Looks like one of those things that Lois Lane would carry before DC had her carry a recorder. Hopefully it comes in handy, it'll fit in my back pocket and ill hopefully jot down things like "blog notes: 'i wonder why people are so impatient(i.e random person at starbucks)" or whatever. I know people will think, "Allan, why don't you just write it down on your phone or w/e since you have a notepad on it?" Been there, tried it, doesn't work as well, when you have so much information on your phone, its hard to just sit down and see what you've written down for the day. Life can be so complex, goes to show why people living simpler lives are happier than those who aren't.
It's not really surprising, but i can never seem to go to the gym in the summer. It's horrible, the best time to lose weight and get in better shape, and i hate it. I enjoy sweating when i'm active, i HATE sweating when i'm just sitting around trying to enjoy my afternoon reading comics. I will try to keep up my regular gym routine of 5-6 days a week, but it just seems incredibly difficult when you wake up all sweaty. The month of may when it came to gym time has been all about swimming. Lets make this clear, I suck at swimming. With that in mind, i can: float and swim, i can't: do a butterfly for crap, hold my breath very long it seems, and swim more than 2 laps of freestyle (total of 100 meters) without having to rest. It probably has to do with my form. I go to the gym and i see these guys swim with incredible form, i on the other hand probably look like im just flapping my arms all over the place. But i enjoy it, it beats running on the treadmill, or doing the stairmaster. I have been a little lazy with my weight lifting because i think to myself, i'm going to be swimming anyway, so i think ill just take it easy. I'll break that train of thought soon enough.
The other theme of this month of may other than swimming has been "The Flaws of Allan Nguyen, Narrated by Everyone He Knows." It really all came in waves i guess, if we made a timeline it would be BF, before finals, and AF, after finals. Surprisingly finals was the only thing that kept me from feeling like complete crap, and of course swimming. I feel like a good person, and i think i make the right decisions in life, but sometimes with the things people say to me, it seems like they only put up with my crap. Yes, i can be a little eccentric when it comes to some things, but isn't it better to just be upfront about things and not let them bottle up inside? What's disgusted me the most of this month is how little people know me, i can take a hint, hell, i don't even need a hint, i can see it in your eyes, i can hear it in your voice. Everyone has patterns, everyone has little things they do when they're happy, and yes, sad. Not saying I'm Sherlock Holmes when it comes to seeing things, but its just disappointing seeing the change in a person when they've given up on somethings or some people.
"Never become cynical, nothing good comes from a person who is cynical, live life by working hard and being kind and it will take you places my friend."
It sure is easier to just be a jerk, but you sure can sleep better knowing you're fighting for the good guys.
I try to keep this thing going atleast twice a week, for good measure that my head doesnt explode with things i wish i would have put on this blog. I'm getting better with it though, i'm getting a mini-journal i guess you could call it. I guess the "correct" term for it is a journalist notebook. Looks like one of those things that Lois Lane would carry before DC had her carry a recorder. Hopefully it comes in handy, it'll fit in my back pocket and ill hopefully jot down things like "blog notes: 'i wonder why people are so impatient(i.e random person at starbucks)" or whatever. I know people will think, "Allan, why don't you just write it down on your phone or w/e since you have a notepad on it?" Been there, tried it, doesn't work as well, when you have so much information on your phone, its hard to just sit down and see what you've written down for the day. Life can be so complex, goes to show why people living simpler lives are happier than those who aren't.
It's not really surprising, but i can never seem to go to the gym in the summer. It's horrible, the best time to lose weight and get in better shape, and i hate it. I enjoy sweating when i'm active, i HATE sweating when i'm just sitting around trying to enjoy my afternoon reading comics. I will try to keep up my regular gym routine of 5-6 days a week, but it just seems incredibly difficult when you wake up all sweaty. The month of may when it came to gym time has been all about swimming. Lets make this clear, I suck at swimming. With that in mind, i can: float and swim, i can't: do a butterfly for crap, hold my breath very long it seems, and swim more than 2 laps of freestyle (total of 100 meters) without having to rest. It probably has to do with my form. I go to the gym and i see these guys swim with incredible form, i on the other hand probably look like im just flapping my arms all over the place. But i enjoy it, it beats running on the treadmill, or doing the stairmaster. I have been a little lazy with my weight lifting because i think to myself, i'm going to be swimming anyway, so i think ill just take it easy. I'll break that train of thought soon enough.
The other theme of this month of may other than swimming has been "The Flaws of Allan Nguyen, Narrated by Everyone He Knows." It really all came in waves i guess, if we made a timeline it would be BF, before finals, and AF, after finals. Surprisingly finals was the only thing that kept me from feeling like complete crap, and of course swimming. I feel like a good person, and i think i make the right decisions in life, but sometimes with the things people say to me, it seems like they only put up with my crap. Yes, i can be a little eccentric when it comes to some things, but isn't it better to just be upfront about things and not let them bottle up inside? What's disgusted me the most of this month is how little people know me, i can take a hint, hell, i don't even need a hint, i can see it in your eyes, i can hear it in your voice. Everyone has patterns, everyone has little things they do when they're happy, and yes, sad. Not saying I'm Sherlock Holmes when it comes to seeing things, but its just disappointing seeing the change in a person when they've given up on somethings or some people.
"Never become cynical, nothing good comes from a person who is cynical, live life by working hard and being kind and it will take you places my friend."
It sure is easier to just be a jerk, but you sure can sleep better knowing you're fighting for the good guys.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Easy Come, Easy Go...
...is probably what i'm feeling right now. We'll i guess if we were to change this it would be "Hard come, Hard go" because I just came from playing tennis and it seems like all of it is still there, but of course this is not a blog about tennis. If this were a blog about tennis, there probably wouldn't be much to talk about since i know diddly squat. Well, while we're on the topic i might as well... lol...
Tennis is a funny sport. Scoring is funny, clothes are funny, everything about it just screams someone was probably high or really bored when they made this game. Small ball that bounces, Huge racket that hits, Net that is in the way. I bet it was pretty cool playing tennis in Khakis and white polos, Very Photogenic. But besides that the sport is still pretty silly, with girls needing their outfits to match their rackets, and the need for spandex. Players who grow up in tennis and actually win more than a couple games here and there have a superiority complex and always have to show someone else up. Its a sport based on your own mental well being. There is no one to rely on when you're in a match because no one is allowed to coach you. You can't blame them for having this kind of attitude, you have to have it if you want to win. People say you can be nice and courteous but thats only if you are too good for them to say something, or you just like being pushed around. In a sport where your opponent has the power to call a point in or out, you can't just assume everyones going to be honest. Oh well, what can you do... Football > Tennis. Period.
A solid question that has been on my mind for maybe the past quarter is that what happens when you're with a person, and you want them to change. Whether its for the better or just because you have a preference that you'd prefer they start becoming. And say, they do change, EXACTLY how you want them to. But you realize that by doing that you lost what you liked in them in the first place. Well, for example, You want your girlfriend to be more outgoing, you wish she tried a little harder to be more open, and after time, she does, shes always going out, always speaking her mind, and you fail to even recognize that shy, quiet girl that you once met hanging out with friends. If things are going to change they will eventually, its inevitable, forcing it to change never seems to be a good idea to me. We could go extreme and say some dude is a drug addict and you're there to change him because you see potential, but then again. Once he's clean, you're probably going to get bored because you saw that being a druggie was apart of who he was, haha, and thats what got you wanting to help him in the first place. I guess you just have to get lucky.
There are a lot of things i want that i can't have. One of these things is that i wish i cared less haha. "Superman" is something someone calls me a lot and how i can't be that person all the time, because even he needs to be Clark Kent sometimes. I guess i like helping people, maybe its something that proves I'm here, not just another person, maybe its to make amends for all the bad i did in the past, which in retrospect aren't as bad as i thought, but still kind of bad. People don't just help because of the goodness in their heart, theres always a reason, doing it to make yourself feel good is definitely a reason. Moral obligation is a solid one too. The problem with being a good problem solver is that thats all i seem to be. Once the problem is solved, i'm horrible with just keeping things all nice and dandy. I would definitely prefer life without problems, but it seems like the people in my life disappear as soon as the problem is fixed. Without the Joker, there is no Batman. Just some masked dude beating up random hoodlums on the street. That's not very Super. Do i feel like i've been taken advantage of sometimes? Sure... But it's not to say i shouldn't bother helping others still. Just because someone can't save Superman from a falling piece of skyscraper doesn't mean he shouldn't return the favor haha. Ok less comic book talk, I just couldn't think of any solid examples at the time.
We'll thats all for today, until next time kids...
Tennis is a funny sport. Scoring is funny, clothes are funny, everything about it just screams someone was probably high or really bored when they made this game. Small ball that bounces, Huge racket that hits, Net that is in the way. I bet it was pretty cool playing tennis in Khakis and white polos, Very Photogenic. But besides that the sport is still pretty silly, with girls needing their outfits to match their rackets, and the need for spandex. Players who grow up in tennis and actually win more than a couple games here and there have a superiority complex and always have to show someone else up. Its a sport based on your own mental well being. There is no one to rely on when you're in a match because no one is allowed to coach you. You can't blame them for having this kind of attitude, you have to have it if you want to win. People say you can be nice and courteous but thats only if you are too good for them to say something, or you just like being pushed around. In a sport where your opponent has the power to call a point in or out, you can't just assume everyones going to be honest. Oh well, what can you do... Football > Tennis. Period.
A solid question that has been on my mind for maybe the past quarter is that what happens when you're with a person, and you want them to change. Whether its for the better or just because you have a preference that you'd prefer they start becoming. And say, they do change, EXACTLY how you want them to. But you realize that by doing that you lost what you liked in them in the first place. Well, for example, You want your girlfriend to be more outgoing, you wish she tried a little harder to be more open, and after time, she does, shes always going out, always speaking her mind, and you fail to even recognize that shy, quiet girl that you once met hanging out with friends. If things are going to change they will eventually, its inevitable, forcing it to change never seems to be a good idea to me. We could go extreme and say some dude is a drug addict and you're there to change him because you see potential, but then again. Once he's clean, you're probably going to get bored because you saw that being a druggie was apart of who he was, haha, and thats what got you wanting to help him in the first place. I guess you just have to get lucky.
There are a lot of things i want that i can't have. One of these things is that i wish i cared less haha. "Superman" is something someone calls me a lot and how i can't be that person all the time, because even he needs to be Clark Kent sometimes. I guess i like helping people, maybe its something that proves I'm here, not just another person, maybe its to make amends for all the bad i did in the past, which in retrospect aren't as bad as i thought, but still kind of bad. People don't just help because of the goodness in their heart, theres always a reason, doing it to make yourself feel good is definitely a reason. Moral obligation is a solid one too. The problem with being a good problem solver is that thats all i seem to be. Once the problem is solved, i'm horrible with just keeping things all nice and dandy. I would definitely prefer life without problems, but it seems like the people in my life disappear as soon as the problem is fixed. Without the Joker, there is no Batman. Just some masked dude beating up random hoodlums on the street. That's not very Super. Do i feel like i've been taken advantage of sometimes? Sure... But it's not to say i shouldn't bother helping others still. Just because someone can't save Superman from a falling piece of skyscraper doesn't mean he shouldn't return the favor haha. Ok less comic book talk, I just couldn't think of any solid examples at the time.
We'll thats all for today, until next time kids...
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Farewell Old Friend
It starts out as nothing more than a meeting between two kids. They're only 4-5 and live close to each other. Their parents are both Vietnamese so they both talk. Their kids are the same age, so the kids become friends.
That's how we started out, sorta. In my mind you were my first real friend when i went into Kindergarden. I could honestly say you were probably my first crush, being that i didn't know what love was besides the nicest girl to me. You weren't always the nicest person to me, but you had your moments. I remember back in elementry school i would get angry that you thought this boy was cool because he was so fast in PE that i ended up just wanting to be nothing more than fast like him. Maybe that would impress you. I guess you could say i started running because of you. I remember holding my lunch tray and saying hi to you while you sat with all your cool girlfriends. You'd laugh at me and i'd go eat with the boys. Time passed and you went away, i didn't really mind i guess, we didn't really understand what a connection was between people at that age anyway.
I hadn't really changed much when i came into middle school, still immature, more immature than my age should've allowed. I didn't understand what it meant to show respect to elders, i didn't understand when people looked at you for doing something stupid, all i was into was pokemon and playing.
...and there you were, standing there with all the other 6th graders, i was pretty nervous and happy at the same time. I didn't like you anymore of course but it was nice to maybe have another friend now that i'm here. I came by to say hi like an idiot, not remembering that talking to me embarassed you infront of your friends. I was that weird kid that had the cool best friend, the geeky kid who always said what was on his mind and didn't think it was weird at all. It was ok, i almost saw it coming but i can't say it didn't hurt. Eventually we became friends, after i calmed down a little, didn't talk to you too much infront of our big asian group, it helped that you went out with one of my guy friends. Things were good, We went through the end of middle school on good terms.
You broke up with my friend in High School... Only to get together with a friend that would soon be more important to me than some would ever know. I was happy that you two got together, not only did i get close with him, but i got even closer to you. Having a best guy friend and a best girl friend? What more could have you asked for? Of course, the thing about hanging out with a person a lot is that you can easily see their flaws, and also the little things that annoy you. We'd have arguements, big enough that you'd ignore me for an entire year and half. It made me sad to think that all that time put into our friendship could be ruined with a couple things here and there. But we were both stubborn and that's how it goes.
College came and the awkwardness of sharing a guy as boyfriend and bestfriend finally had to be broken. We made our apoligies and just tried to make everything good again. That was good, college made me realize that after high school, you don't see everyone everyday, you don't happen to meet people, you have to make an effort, and that's what we did. We became extremely close again, I was happy to know that i had someone to talk to that would just listen, put in a couple words heere and there but just genuinely hear me out and not just want to put in their two cents. There were some weird moments, like when the boyfriend didn't like it was we were getting too close. That little spat didn't last long. There was nothing more than a good friendship there. I could honestly call you my best girl friend.
I left for europe, and came back not changed, just a little more different. We both had our schedules to keep up with, both had our obligations. We were in the process of growing up, it couldn't be helped. And then you went away...
I can't say i wasn't hurt, I can't say im still not hurt. I miss you as a friend incredibly. Things always happen for a reason, and if it is going to take a couple years to run into each other again, or even more, these memories will not go away, these happy times, along with the difficult times, will not be forgotten, You were my oldest friend, i will not forget that. I'm only saying goodbye for now, in hope that we see each other again some other time, when we've both grown and can laugh again. That would be nice. Even though things may never be the same, they don't need to be, because people change, things change, circumstances change. I could never hate a person that has made such an impact on my life. You can despise the things people do, but you should never hate them for it.
I can't really say what we're in for in the future for now this is farewell...
That's how we started out, sorta. In my mind you were my first real friend when i went into Kindergarden. I could honestly say you were probably my first crush, being that i didn't know what love was besides the nicest girl to me. You weren't always the nicest person to me, but you had your moments. I remember back in elementry school i would get angry that you thought this boy was cool because he was so fast in PE that i ended up just wanting to be nothing more than fast like him. Maybe that would impress you. I guess you could say i started running because of you. I remember holding my lunch tray and saying hi to you while you sat with all your cool girlfriends. You'd laugh at me and i'd go eat with the boys. Time passed and you went away, i didn't really mind i guess, we didn't really understand what a connection was between people at that age anyway.
I hadn't really changed much when i came into middle school, still immature, more immature than my age should've allowed. I didn't understand what it meant to show respect to elders, i didn't understand when people looked at you for doing something stupid, all i was into was pokemon and playing.
...and there you were, standing there with all the other 6th graders, i was pretty nervous and happy at the same time. I didn't like you anymore of course but it was nice to maybe have another friend now that i'm here. I came by to say hi like an idiot, not remembering that talking to me embarassed you infront of your friends. I was that weird kid that had the cool best friend, the geeky kid who always said what was on his mind and didn't think it was weird at all. It was ok, i almost saw it coming but i can't say it didn't hurt. Eventually we became friends, after i calmed down a little, didn't talk to you too much infront of our big asian group, it helped that you went out with one of my guy friends. Things were good, We went through the end of middle school on good terms.
You broke up with my friend in High School... Only to get together with a friend that would soon be more important to me than some would ever know. I was happy that you two got together, not only did i get close with him, but i got even closer to you. Having a best guy friend and a best girl friend? What more could have you asked for? Of course, the thing about hanging out with a person a lot is that you can easily see their flaws, and also the little things that annoy you. We'd have arguements, big enough that you'd ignore me for an entire year and half. It made me sad to think that all that time put into our friendship could be ruined with a couple things here and there. But we were both stubborn and that's how it goes.
College came and the awkwardness of sharing a guy as boyfriend and bestfriend finally had to be broken. We made our apoligies and just tried to make everything good again. That was good, college made me realize that after high school, you don't see everyone everyday, you don't happen to meet people, you have to make an effort, and that's what we did. We became extremely close again, I was happy to know that i had someone to talk to that would just listen, put in a couple words heere and there but just genuinely hear me out and not just want to put in their two cents. There were some weird moments, like when the boyfriend didn't like it was we were getting too close. That little spat didn't last long. There was nothing more than a good friendship there. I could honestly call you my best girl friend.
I left for europe, and came back not changed, just a little more different. We both had our schedules to keep up with, both had our obligations. We were in the process of growing up, it couldn't be helped. And then you went away...
I can't say i wasn't hurt, I can't say im still not hurt. I miss you as a friend incredibly. Things always happen for a reason, and if it is going to take a couple years to run into each other again, or even more, these memories will not go away, these happy times, along with the difficult times, will not be forgotten, You were my oldest friend, i will not forget that. I'm only saying goodbye for now, in hope that we see each other again some other time, when we've both grown and can laugh again. That would be nice. Even though things may never be the same, they don't need to be, because people change, things change, circumstances change. I could never hate a person that has made such an impact on my life. You can despise the things people do, but you should never hate them for it.
I can't really say what we're in for in the future for now this is farewell...
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Smokes
Chad: Allan, you want a smoke?
Allan: Nah, I really REALLY hate cigarettes, only reason i sit here is cuz we play poker haha.
Chad: How old are you man?
Allan:19
Chad: I'll ask you again when you're 24, I was just like you at that age, you'll see...
I still hate cigarettes, I still hope i never smoke, but then again, i'm only 21 now. I guess i'll have to wait 2-3 more years before i can really see what he saw, things hes witnessed, reasons we give ourselves to light that little death in a packet of Marlboros. I've felt like this week was one of those weeks, those testing weeks, those weeks that i have thought back to this conversation, and wonder, "is this what he was talking about?"
With all things said and done, right now all i want to think about is how crappy the month of March was. I guess somethings went my way, i've got some questions that i've been asking myself answered, but in exchange i've got only a crap load more. Oh well, it doesn't hurt to be curious does it? I think i've heard something about a cat. Oh well, i'll let future allan think about that one.
I'm starting to question my beliefs, whether i'm living my life correctly. I mean people who think they are crazy aren't crazy, but people who 'think they're crazy are. So wouldn't it be the same with people who live their life normally? I could think i'm a great person, a great friend, just all-around great. But in reality, i could be making everyone miserable. I could be thinking i'm making all the right decisions, but instead i could be handling everything horribly wrong. So heres, an example, if i really want something, i can be pretty convincing, and if i can't think of the things to say, i can think of the things to do to get my way. Isn't that being manipulative? I mean i pushed the right buttons and i get my way, I don't think that makes a good person. Because if i deserved it, i could've just got it without even trying.
In other news, i got some pretty flattering news, haha, i guess i can't really say what was said, but whatever was said made me feel like, "wow if you said that, there might be hope for me yet!" haha... =D It's just these little things that let me keep my head high.
I'm trying to pick up photography, i'm not gonna go crazy or anything, just a hobby that i figured would help me get off my ass and maybe even learn a few things and see a few things a long the way. Here are a few of my favorite photos so far. NO i will not get a tumbler, it just seems too nice for me, and i'm not that artistic.
Allan: Nah, I really REALLY hate cigarettes, only reason i sit here is cuz we play poker haha.
Chad: How old are you man?
Allan:19
Chad: I'll ask you again when you're 24, I was just like you at that age, you'll see...
I still hate cigarettes, I still hope i never smoke, but then again, i'm only 21 now. I guess i'll have to wait 2-3 more years before i can really see what he saw, things hes witnessed, reasons we give ourselves to light that little death in a packet of Marlboros. I've felt like this week was one of those weeks, those testing weeks, those weeks that i have thought back to this conversation, and wonder, "is this what he was talking about?"
With all things said and done, right now all i want to think about is how crappy the month of March was. I guess somethings went my way, i've got some questions that i've been asking myself answered, but in exchange i've got only a crap load more. Oh well, it doesn't hurt to be curious does it? I think i've heard something about a cat. Oh well, i'll let future allan think about that one.
I'm starting to question my beliefs, whether i'm living my life correctly. I mean people who think they are crazy aren't crazy, but people who 'think they're crazy are. So wouldn't it be the same with people who live their life normally? I could think i'm a great person, a great friend, just all-around great. But in reality, i could be making everyone miserable. I could be thinking i'm making all the right decisions, but instead i could be handling everything horribly wrong. So heres, an example, if i really want something, i can be pretty convincing, and if i can't think of the things to say, i can think of the things to do to get my way. Isn't that being manipulative? I mean i pushed the right buttons and i get my way, I don't think that makes a good person. Because if i deserved it, i could've just got it without even trying.
In other news, i got some pretty flattering news, haha, i guess i can't really say what was said, but whatever was said made me feel like, "wow if you said that, there might be hope for me yet!" haha... =D It's just these little things that let me keep my head high.
I'm trying to pick up photography, i'm not gonna go crazy or anything, just a hobby that i figured would help me get off my ass and maybe even learn a few things and see a few things a long the way. Here are a few of my favorite photos so far. NO i will not get a tumbler, it just seems too nice for me, and i'm not that artistic.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Ramble Schamble
Since when was blogging something someone forced onto you? Sure, i guess there are those professional bloggers out there but i'm just a normal joe who likes to just keep the voices outta my head by putting it on a random website. I'd probably not be above making a twitter but then again i'm just too lazy to be logging on and making an account. I waste enough of my time on facebook.
Anywho, i've been talking to a bunch of friends lately who want to start working out. I'm not against working out, but a lot of people have been complaining about finding a reason to. What reason do you really need besides it just feels good to be in shape? I've always been one to love the feeling of sweat. It doesnt hurt working out to perform well in other things either. I'm just hoping when football season comes again and i have to play i'll be extra fast with all these liners and box jumps i've been doing. But anyway, seriously, just put on your running shoes, and once you've done that, you just go work out. It's that simple, if you can put on your shoes, you can go to the gym. Nuff Said.
So i'm talking to a friend and she told me she asks her boyfriend a question, first of all, when you're asking your boyfriend questions, make sure the questions doesnt make him the least bit insecure please. "What would you do if you happened to become friends with a person who connects with you even more so than me? It's not like shes seducing you or anything, you just talk to her extremely well and even better than me. What would you think about that?" Its great that these two are perfect for each other, and that they can totally talk to each other because they've been together so long, but wow, thats just a question that spells disaster haha...I don't really know how to answer this question, if she was the girl of my dreams, would i really want her? I'm picky with the girls i fall for, and i think if i found her, would i really want it? As we grow we end up wanting different things, im such a pessimist sometimes, the moment i meet a person i MIGHT actually fall for, i try to pick her apart. Geez what's wrong with me?
I'm a huge hypocrite, huggggggeeee hypocrite... I don't know how much i put this on my blog, maybe i just like irony, maybe i just like to laugh at random things. But what i laugh at now is girls who put these quotes on their facebook, twitter, w/e... they say things like "THIS TOTALLY SPEAKS TO ME" but in actuality, I think you're just shallow and think this girl is easy on the eyes, and that what shes really saying only speaks to you because of that. Eh, if that's what it takes, go for it haha...
The last thing on my mind probably has been something on my brain for the past month... I consider myself someone who is easy to talk to. Why you might ask? Well, i would tell you i hold my heart on my sleeve, i would also tell you that i will always be honest with a question that someone throws at me. But thats the problem, because i hold my heart on my sleeve, people just take what they think i say as everything that i think about, or that even though i answer every question of theirs i'm being completely honest with them or myself. That is definitely false, i think about a lot of things, mainly random thoughts like "do you ever wonder if every god out there is just the same person? or maybe there are different gods and they all live together. reigning on different parts of the world, kind of like risk, but with religion" haha yeah i know random... i guess the other thing is when people ask me questions i try my best to answer the question honestly. I never said i wouldnt beat around the bush or try and change the subject. I guess the only reason i'm talking about this is because i think i hate the feeling of being vulnerable... but then i heard a pretty cool quote on TV today. "Its not about the pain, its about being open, if you can be that vulnerable with another person, it changes you... Well we'll just have to see about this quote... House what a great show! lol...
Until later kiddies...
Anywho, i've been talking to a bunch of friends lately who want to start working out. I'm not against working out, but a lot of people have been complaining about finding a reason to. What reason do you really need besides it just feels good to be in shape? I've always been one to love the feeling of sweat. It doesnt hurt working out to perform well in other things either. I'm just hoping when football season comes again and i have to play i'll be extra fast with all these liners and box jumps i've been doing. But anyway, seriously, just put on your running shoes, and once you've done that, you just go work out. It's that simple, if you can put on your shoes, you can go to the gym. Nuff Said.
So i'm talking to a friend and she told me she asks her boyfriend a question, first of all, when you're asking your boyfriend questions, make sure the questions doesnt make him the least bit insecure please. "What would you do if you happened to become friends with a person who connects with you even more so than me? It's not like shes seducing you or anything, you just talk to her extremely well and even better than me. What would you think about that?" Its great that these two are perfect for each other, and that they can totally talk to each other because they've been together so long, but wow, thats just a question that spells disaster haha...I don't really know how to answer this question, if she was the girl of my dreams, would i really want her? I'm picky with the girls i fall for, and i think if i found her, would i really want it? As we grow we end up wanting different things, im such a pessimist sometimes, the moment i meet a person i MIGHT actually fall for, i try to pick her apart. Geez what's wrong with me?
I'm a huge hypocrite, huggggggeeee hypocrite... I don't know how much i put this on my blog, maybe i just like irony, maybe i just like to laugh at random things. But what i laugh at now is girls who put these quotes on their facebook, twitter, w/e... they say things like "THIS TOTALLY SPEAKS TO ME" but in actuality, I think you're just shallow and think this girl is easy on the eyes, and that what shes really saying only speaks to you because of that. Eh, if that's what it takes, go for it haha...
The last thing on my mind probably has been something on my brain for the past month... I consider myself someone who is easy to talk to. Why you might ask? Well, i would tell you i hold my heart on my sleeve, i would also tell you that i will always be honest with a question that someone throws at me. But thats the problem, because i hold my heart on my sleeve, people just take what they think i say as everything that i think about, or that even though i answer every question of theirs i'm being completely honest with them or myself. That is definitely false, i think about a lot of things, mainly random thoughts like "do you ever wonder if every god out there is just the same person? or maybe there are different gods and they all live together. reigning on different parts of the world, kind of like risk, but with religion" haha yeah i know random... i guess the other thing is when people ask me questions i try my best to answer the question honestly. I never said i wouldnt beat around the bush or try and change the subject. I guess the only reason i'm talking about this is because i think i hate the feeling of being vulnerable... but then i heard a pretty cool quote on TV today. "Its not about the pain, its about being open, if you can be that vulnerable with another person, it changes you... Well we'll just have to see about this quote... House what a great show! lol...
Until later kiddies...
Friday, February 19, 2010
Back... but not really...
So back to this blog business... i regret not keeping it up during the study abroad but it went by so fast that i could barely jot my thoughts down before i realized i was already back. It seems so long ago that i was sitting in my room in Denmark, isolated from the world that i am apart of once again. I enjoyed the thought that i could wake up and drink some coffee, plain, black coffee, and read or possibly cook myself some breakfast. Everything moves so much faster here in the US. I guess i was apart of that life style until i got shoved into Europe. I miss it in someways... Hell, that's a lie, i miss it in A LOT of ways. The quietness of life when you're a person who doesn't understand a lick of Danish, or German, or Italian... It was great to feel alive, to be somewhere where you know if you don't do something now, that you'll never get to do it ever again. Haha, it's funny that i'm thinking about it now, i've been saving it to tell it to someone for a long time, but it's just not an experience you can really share with someone unless they've done the same. I had dinner with Donna the other day, we practically shared most of our study abroad experience together, through thick and thin i guess. It was a shocker just chillin with her, talking about how life has been after we got back. We both kinda agreed we were in some type of "funk". Nothing that would stop us from being ourselves, its just something that we felt that was missing. I try to think to myself "I cant think this like, i cant go back and do it again, its an experience that you've had and you can't dwell on it, go on and live". So far, it's been alright i'd say about 90% of the time. Work, School, Social gatherings have helped eased me back into the swing of things.
I've made some new friends, or i guess a new friend, not to say i've replaced my old ones, its just, everyone else seems so busy, and these new people just seem to have the same schedule as me. I keep thinking where the hell are my best friends at, all up in northern california, doing school of course, but i've been back for like 2 months now! eh, and again that's another reason why i've been hanging out with these new friends.
I'm thinking i wanna go somewhere, nothing particularly far i guess, just somewhere, somewhere new, maybe somewhere within a 2-3 hour drive. I wanna just get away... Theres nothing wrong with monotony, cuz hey, i wanna be a accountant. But theres always gotta be that something to spice your life up just a little and since my love life is alive as michael jackson, why not just find another reason. I've had this stupid beatles song stuck in my head for the past 4-5 hours... If I Fell.... WHYYYYY MUST YOU HAUNT ME SO SONGGGGG.... I really should be getting to bed, got work at 5am... of course when you stay up til 230 am the day before i doubt my body's gonna just naturally go to sleep. Maybe i should just stay up, of course, i normally like staying up if theres someone to stay up with, i doubt thats gonna happen. "Oh hey, wanna stay up with me til 5am? I know, i know its 1040pm right now and you're prolly gonna go to sleep soon but i figure why not give it a shot?" yeah.. thats not gonna fly. I was telling a friend how i normally write these kind of blogs on a really really good day, or a really really bad day, well... today was definitely not a really really good day haha... I feel stuck, gonna need some help here.
I've made some new friends, or i guess a new friend, not to say i've replaced my old ones, its just, everyone else seems so busy, and these new people just seem to have the same schedule as me. I keep thinking where the hell are my best friends at, all up in northern california, doing school of course, but i've been back for like 2 months now! eh, and again that's another reason why i've been hanging out with these new friends.
I'm thinking i wanna go somewhere, nothing particularly far i guess, just somewhere, somewhere new, maybe somewhere within a 2-3 hour drive. I wanna just get away... Theres nothing wrong with monotony, cuz hey, i wanna be a accountant. But theres always gotta be that something to spice your life up just a little and since my love life is alive as michael jackson, why not just find another reason. I've had this stupid beatles song stuck in my head for the past 4-5 hours... If I Fell.... WHYYYYY MUST YOU HAUNT ME SO SONGGGGG.... I really should be getting to bed, got work at 5am... of course when you stay up til 230 am the day before i doubt my body's gonna just naturally go to sleep. Maybe i should just stay up, of course, i normally like staying up if theres someone to stay up with, i doubt thats gonna happen. "Oh hey, wanna stay up with me til 5am? I know, i know its 1040pm right now and you're prolly gonna go to sleep soon but i figure why not give it a shot?" yeah.. thats not gonna fly. I was telling a friend how i normally write these kind of blogs on a really really good day, or a really really bad day, well... today was definitely not a really really good day haha... I feel stuck, gonna need some help here.
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